She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
