You can't motorboat a personality
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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