dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize