Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
