k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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