I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
