Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
