I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
