WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
