shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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