he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
