i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
