I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
