I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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