my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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