It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
