I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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