So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
