I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
