I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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