1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
