you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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