You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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