I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
