peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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