YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
