I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
