Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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