you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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