Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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