The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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