Welp...herpes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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