i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
