So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
