Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So many bounce houses so little time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
