I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
