someone threw a dead crab at me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
