TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
