Pappa wants mamma naked
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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