your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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