Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
