i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my liver is dry heaving
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
