you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
