i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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