I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
its liver damage thursday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
