Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
