I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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