At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
