The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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