im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
well, you know. whores of a feather.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.