What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My liver just broke up with me...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in