I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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