Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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