How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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