I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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