we're chasing vodka with high fives
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize