a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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