Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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