please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
