Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
