so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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