you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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