i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish my penis had a tongue
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
