Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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