I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
