I'm going to jail i love you
If that was your dad, he is hot
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
