I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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