I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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