I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
