No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
