I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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