He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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