i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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